Success does not always equal self-worth

I was never proud of myself unless something stellar would happen. Then I’d feel on top of the world for a few days. And then back to feeling sh*tty with the success amnesia.

And what I realized is that worthiness can be fleeting – vulnerable, if you will – if it isn’t cultivated before the win.

Think of it like this…

joy + pride + hope + connection  = worthiness  

Take Gwyneth Paltrow, for example. She wins the Oscar and hides out. Now I’m not best friends with Gwyneth, but I have a hunch it’s because she didn’t feel worthy of this prize – the win brought up fraudulent feelings (even though we know she was so worthy).

Have you ever achieved what you wanted and not felt worthy?  

Instead, you spent more time waiting for the shoe to drop than you did enjoying the win. Well, it’s not your fault because this is one of life’s major misconceptions.

We believe…

I will be worthy when I achieve [insert achievement here]. This is wrong. So wrong!  

Worthiness must be cultivated before the success and every day after. Many of my clients come to me wanting to do something extraordinary.

Some will say, “Yeah, I want to be famous. I won’t deny that.” As a coach, I can Google translate: Fame makes us feel safer – like nothing will be taken away. To me fame is code for: my client really wants an assured level of acceptance and belonging. But what I know is that acceptance and belonging do NOT equal fame.

acceptance and belonging =  worthiness

We all want self-worth. We just don’t know it because it’s not as sexy of a sell.

No one grows up and says, “You know all I want to do is be worthy in life.” Even little kids start out wanting success.

Here’s the truth, I know so many wildly successful and madly miserable people. It’s heartbreaking. And it all goes back to a lack of worthiness and belonging.

So how can you get started on this in your own life?

Here are 2 key steps…

  1. Accept Yourself More – notice where the inner critic in your head refutes a compliment. Accept the compliment today. Also accept that at this moment – at this weight, job choice, time of day, etc. – you are doing your best.
  2. Belong – who is the one person you know you are accepted by – warts and all? Tell them (and I mean actually pick up the phone, write a note, or grab a coffee), “Thank you for just accepting me as I am.” Connect to that feeling of belonging and know that you can choose to find and count on the people that make you part of the whole.

Here’s to consciously creating our success and happiness before the Oscar win or promotion. Happiness comes when you can enjoy the ride – the accomplishments are secondary.