Before we begin, quick skinny: I have been coaching kids and the parents who ((love)) them for over ten years now and it is honestly some of the most profound work I do. I wanted to give you a peek into my work because it is simply the coolest thing ever.
As a coach working with kids, I am really into conversations that instill curiosity and require families to get real with each other, and I often use pop culture as a way in.
I find it to be a sort of common ground in order to raise consciousness in the child’s language.
Recently, one of my 10 year old clients and I were discussing the Oscars and the year of Frozen. If you have a child you probably know it and if you don’t you probably still know it—it was that big, right? So, Daniela (my 10 year old) was telling me how psyched she was that she was able to stay up late and watch Idina Menzel sing “Let it Go.” She commented not on what the world commented on (Adele Dazeem, anyone?) but the fact that Idina looked scared on stage. I didn’t comment, but instead became wildly curious and let her do the talking.
Daniela said, “ She didn’t seem to be having much fun.” She paused, “But it is a serious song, I guess.” We continued to talk about her amazing observations into the psyche of the woman performing the biggest song of the year.
So, I decided we should write a list for that woman—for Idina Menzel so that maybe next time she can have Daniela’s wisdom in her pocket. Her advice, which began as tips she used when performing in front of her class morphed into something called The Secrets to the Best Life Possible. I must say, what this little one thought of was not only her version of The Four Agreements, but was something every artist, executive, mother, friend, lover; any human being can do to simply improve their quality of life.
The Secrets to the Best Life Possible
1) Always do your best
2) Have fun
3) Be grateful for the opportunity
4) Look forward to next time. (There always will be one)
Pretty profound, right? What struck me most was our discussion regarding #3 & #4. She wondered if people are still grateful if they don’t do the performance the way they wanted to. I shared with her that there are times I am not grateful for that reason. Daniela came to the conclusion that you have to be grateful either way or #3 doesn’t work!
Daniela said, “I mean it was the Oscars! I bet everyone in the world would have loved to do it!” This was when she decided to put in parenthesis next to #4 that there would always be a next time—for Idina, and for everyone. I made sure to let her know that many times kids possess greater wisdom than adults because adults often assume that when things don’t go their way there will (((never))) be a next time! She looks at me and says, “Well, that’s silly, right?” I laughed out loud. She is so wise.
I left that day thinking about how silly it really is that adults get doom and gloom so fast. Daniela’s resilience seemed a thing so long removed from me. But I realized that I could access that resilience, that joy, if I just choose to. It is never silly to keep moving forward—there will always be a next time.
The work I do with The Kidz Coach is profound for them and honestly for me. After this session I did the recap with Daniela’s amazing mom and we spoke about “how” to implement this coaching skill. My sessions are all about the parent recap and if you work with me you know it is the ((BEST)) part. All this stuff is great in theory but the real magic happens when my parents apply what they learn and two generations grow and change at the same time.
I must say, I had to remind myself just the other day “Look forward to next time. (There always will be one.)” Sometimes we grownups manage our disappointment by getting jaded and prepare ourselves by thinking the worst. The Kidz Coach would never teach “catastrophic thinking” as a means to cope so you bet this coach got her mind straight, you gotta walk your talk I say!!!
“Who we are is what our children become,” I find myself saying that a lot to clients. I will also say I am grateful that so many families are changing history through awareness and action and that I get to be witness to it!!
I honestly have the ((best )) job ever!!