I have a ton of off-the-charts successful clients, awards out the wazoo, getting into the best schools, landing that dream job.
But when life goes south – they are at a loss. And that’s when I realized we have to do better for the next generation.
We must raise a generation that can cope.
Let me break it down like this…
The Beatles told us, “All you need is love…” True. But – John and the gang – how do we actually do that?
By making love actionable with a serious dose of empathy (for ourselves and others).
My families that focus on more empathy and less over functioning for the child thrive.
Here’s what empathy looks like (according to my girl Brené Brown)…
- I am in it with you.
- I am not here to fix you
- I am not here to feel it for you.
- I am here to feel it with you and let you know you’re not alone.
I love Brené. Her course on Imperfect Parenting is stellar. Empathy creates belonging and acceptance: a foundation for raising a child who can cope.
Those who can cope live happier lives.
Now if you say to your crying teen, “I am with you, I am not here to fix you …” they might think you’re nutso. (And no orchestration will underscore your dialogue.)
Do these 3 things when that happens…
- Be with them in the struggle – Silence parents. Just be present, not a think tank – just yet.
- Stomp on your impulse to fix it. Your impulse to fix is all about you. (Email me, I’m happy to explain it.)
- Nod in understanding. A statement like, “That is hard honey” and let them talk can mean more than 28 strategies. You have to learn how to manage your pain when seeing them in pain.
So let’s try a new spin on the Beatles classic, shall we?
“All you need is love and empathy
All you need is love and empathy
All you need is love, love, empathy is all you need.”
My lyrics might not sell a million records but it can change your child’s life (and your own) which I think might just be a tad more important.
Try it out and let me know how it goes.