There was a time when if you asked me, “Di Ana, what are you looking for?”
I would have, without a doubt, replied, “It’s just a chemistry; you know when you know.” Anyone else with me on this?
I have had amazing relationships with fireworks; in many cases chemistry was all we had. Well, ladies & gents, I am going to be totally straight up with you. In the past I have been rather immature at handling love. I chased beauty, success, and charm. And as far as the communication department goes, when things would get sticky, I shut down, shut out, and moved on.
Another confession: I was very critical about the physical. The minute the physical appearance altered or the dynamic changed to “normal” I would say, ”something shifted”, or we are not “working” anymore, and then the relationship would often break off. I realized in some ways I only knew how to do chemistry; I did not know how to do relationships.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have had long-term relationships, and those loves have helped me grow in many areas where I have been, shall I say, rigid or difficult. When you spend a significant amount of time with someone you have to become more flexible, and less “set in your ways” if the relationship is going to accommodate each other’s needs. Despite these grown-up lessons, there has been a part of me that still holds on to my Peter Pan ways. Maybe it’s the pain of heartbreak that made me put walls up of defense or maybe it’s confusing chemistry with connection & commitment.
As I grow up in love, I look at my friends thriving in long-term relationships/marriages, and I deeply admire and respect them. I notice a commitment to hard work that is rooted in a few things: compassion, understanding, and acceptance. These are things I have not experienced in my romances. My relationships have been passionate, heated and often very critical. Quite the opposite, right?
Here’s the deal: A real connection is the energy between two people when they feel seen, heard & valued. I often confuse it with chemistry, and they are VERY different things.
Life does not begin and end at chemistry and candlelight. While dream vacations are magical there is a deeper acceptance and compassion that you must have to sustain the difficulties. Looks will fade, money will come & go, and being able to accept someone for who they are when the smoke and mirrors are gone is where it actually all begins.
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is growing up.
Fine Print: Love is always growing up when it is in its healthiest form.
Naked inquiry: Where has love grown you up?